Note To Self: New Mother In A Crisis

I look at him and think about just how lucky I am. But what about him? My son was born just a few short months ago and I can’t help but feel like he’s entered a world even foreign to me.

This year, my first Mother’s Day looks a little different than what I imagined. There were no flower deliveries, no brunch reservations to make and keep, there wasn’t even celebratory hugs from my own Mom to pass the torch. COVID-19 has changed how we interact and connect with others to the extent that a classic Mother’s Day looks unrecognizable. I am willing to sacrifice in any way so much so that he can have a better life than I did. But I will admit, I feel helpless.

I would love to hug my Mom on Mother’s Day, but what I really want to see is my mother hugging her new grandson on this day. I realize having my Mom visit at the beginning of his birth comforted me in more ways than one. Now, we are without her touch, her sneaking of salt in my boiling pots (I saw you Mom), or even her throaty laugh filling our room. In the last six weeks, my parents and in-laws haven’t held or kissed my son, instead have had to restrict themselves to virtual visits. With New York being an epicenter of the virus, we didn’t want to take any chances of visits.

This unexpected occurrence along with Mother’s Day brought its own challenges to me personally; emotionally and mentally. However, we humans are resilient creatures. People are taking a cue from what many Mothers do best: coming up with creative ways to salvage a crummy situations. We’re focusing on the things that we love, opening new lines of dialogue, and reminding others that there can be beauty in this time of crisis. We can get to know each other and even ourselves on a much deeper level.

Perhaps Mother Earth is reminding us all what means to take a step back, reflect, regroup, and be more than we have been.

When I look at my son today, I know that I will continue to be strong for him. I can’t sit, lost in a worrisome mindset. I won’t succumb to the paralyzation hoping to keep me (and you) from enjoying the love that we have in the here and now and I keep reminding myself every time I get scared to choose love.

Mother’s Day in a pandemic will be lonely for many. but I hope all Mothers know we have each other.