Have you ever been accused of being a professional victim? Has someone ever pointed out to you that you never take personal responsibility for your own actions or well-being? When was the last time that you weren’t afraid of others or you weren’t lost in a sea of anxiety and fear over the opinions/thoughts that others had of you?
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Sometimes it’s hard to admit that we’ve become prey to our own pitfalls and victim-hood. We can forget that we have the power in our hands to change how our own reality plays out before us.
At the whims of…
Being at the whims of our external environment or experiences can create a ‘Victim complex’ (also known as the Martyr complex). It will put our lives on hold, and causes unnecessary distress for ourselves and others. Life is hard, this is true, and sometimes life can kick us in the rear when we least expect it. This can be a cause for concern when the experiences are traumatic and they affect us for months, years, or even a lifetime. Here is where you can deeply address inner child work and re-parenting can come in. This process is long but can be a huge ladder to freeing ourselves from that hole. (Which will definitely be covered in a later article.)
Let’s challenge that pattern of thinking today. Think that each experience that comes our way is easily handled by changing the perspective of how we view them. A shift into seeing life from a different place, a different point of view. Look at yourself with different eyes.
You have control
When a person is stuck in a Victim complex, every experience they have is viewed as “happening” to them. I can relate because in my own past, due to my upbringing and my own issues, I kept a simple thought. Each time something bad would go down in my own life I’d think, “Well it’s not in my control”. This created a cycle in my mind that created a belief system for decades that I was “cursed” or had “bad luck”. I actually believed this was my fate and the pain from it hurt myself and others in the process!
This inevitably fell apart during my awakening process through re-programming and facing myself. It’s why I’m sharing what I’ve learned with you. Maybe it will get you thinking, maybe not. But to feel a victim to our experiences is something we can address.
It’s something that can be healed and it doesn’t have to continue. What if someone simply changed their reactions to external circumstances into a simple allowance of said experience?
What if someone simply changed their reactions to external circumstances into a simple allowance of said experience? What if we reacted in the present moment as the experience unfolded as though we’ve been here before? Think if this one time we let ourselves be free instead of fearful? Can we re-frame our reaction to the experience and move through it easier?
Seize the moment! Everything isn’t in your control nor does it have to always be.
This perspective changes how you think about experiences and your reactions to external circumstances that sometimes truly feel out of your control, even though they aren’t.
Create your reality
You can consciously create a level of contentment that gets you through each and every moment as it happens. This requires some responsibility and patience (something most of us need to work on, right?)-but these two qualities are the guaranteed to be the biggest most bad-ass sword to use as we fight against the Victim complex and mentality.
There’s going to be times that we can’t control what’s happening, but it’s not about controlling the experience. It’s about allowing it to happen instead of having an instant reaction to something, often benign, if that’s the case.
You are safe
When you’ve grown to feel like the world isn’t safe or treats you a specific way because you’ve been hurt, it’s a tough space to climb out of until you exit the Victim complex by freeing yourself with a new perspective–or end up facing your own shadow in the process.
Change the idea that you’re supposed to react to experiences with emotional impulsion and create a space of ‘allowing’ of each unique moment as a part of your own personal journey. Here is the best place for emotions to respond in a healthy manner and you can heal the past in no time.